underneath The Wise Turtle (turil) wrote in bpdisorder,
underneath The Wise Turtle

This was posted by the man I pledged my life to...

I don't think he made the website in question, but he's promoting it.


He's got the most serious case of painting me black that I've ever seen. It's totally insane, and his "friends" encourage him to do it (they like to make other people miserable for fun).

We've got quite the insane story, of course...

We're both Borderline types, though I didn't figure this out until after he cheated on me, even though we'd both been in therapy many times. He's in the avoidant attachment extreme (pretending he doesn't care, and not getting really intimate with anyone, to protect himself from getting hurt) these days. I'm in the anxiety attachment middle most of the time, trudging along the best I can while still being worried, but aiming for a healthy level of positive outlook (and physical health), to keep me sane. The marriage story is that he started cheating on me in July 2007 (after I didn't go on a vacation with him for the first time ever, he got seriously depressed and thought I didn't love him anymore, and he took ecstasy for the first time at the encouragement of his "friends", and ended up getting sucked into an affair with a married woman who is also pretty emotionally messed up. He's since left her and encouraged his new, married, girlfriend to prosecute her in court). He left me, and told me to start seeing other men, and in my weakness and desperation, after a couple of months of him being gone/cheating, I did cheat as well (mostly to make my husband jealous, but also to alleviate my depression). Then he came back to me for a while (it worked!), but ended up too scared to stay with me (it backfired!). (He literally said he'd die if I left him for the other guy, and that it was easier for him to leave me and not take the risk of losing me, because I was stronger than he was.) And then he got sucked into kind of a cult of miserable, messed up people, who love to create drama, and seem to be trying to drive him (and me) to suicide (both of us have been very close).

So yeah, my life isn't easy. But I'm not giving up on him. Not when I know whats really going on inside him. Not when I know his fears and his love that's hidden deep, deep inside him. On the surface he's great a putting on a facade. But he trusted me with his secret, and so I know that it's all just a show. A really stupid and cruel comedy~tragedy type show.

Which is funny, since he's always said he hated Shakespeare... :-)

Anyway, thanks for letting me rant. I just needed to put this out there into the world. It needed to be recorded somewhere reasonably safe.

Feel free to rant back at me saying that I'm a total fuckup and need to leave him. That's what most of his "friends" do, so I'm used to it. :-)
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